Consider this: can people be taught to handle conflict in a positive way? In my opinion conflict is an important element in everyday life and as individuals I don’t think we can express ourselves and be true to our beliefs if we shy away from difficult situations. How do we find that healthy balance between yelling so your point gets heard louder than everyone else’s, or becoming an introverted wimp?
When facing these conflicts head on I usually take the ‘my way or the highway’ approach. I end up becoming a person that people are scared of rather than someone they want to compromise with. Because surely that’s the inevitable outcome of conflict isn’t it? Compromise? Instead, in the heat of the moment, I always picture conflicts as something that is there to be won; personally my approach to conflicting situations is generally very negative. I often find it difficult to turn what I see as a negative into a positive and be able to compromise on a situation. How would you deal with a conflict? Do you become a monster like me, or do you go silent in the hope that it’ll all go away? Or, are you someone who can think rationally in a heated situation?
I am often told in situations that instead of thinking about facts, I make up my own stories- “they’re thinking this” or “they’re doing that because they want to annoy me”. Chances are I’m not as wise as I consider myself to be and actually I escalate a conflict to make it into something it actually isn’t, which then makes it even worse than it started out as. I always start conflict thinking, ‘be calm, and be rational’; I don’t even know myself how it can go so wrong in a matter of minutes. How can something that often starts out so petty or insignificant escalate into something so big that you don’t even know what it is that started it?
So, how can my attitude towards conflict be changed so I don’t become a person that my friends and peers don’t want to be around? How do I carry through my initial positive mental attitude that I start out with so I don’t offend, upset or intimidate others? How can I stop my inner-monster from showing its face?
Hi Ellen,
ReplyDeleteI really like the concept of you being a conflict monster, something I have never thought of before.
I think my best advice for you would be not to be afraid of conflict, as it doesn't have to be a negative thing. Activley listening to what the other party is saying and you will soon find out you can come to a mutually agreeable solution.
Making sure a conflict never lingers is also a good piece of advice - by really working to come to a resolution will leave your peers respecting you rather than you being a monster to be feared.
This is a really great post - I wish I had seen it before writting my own as you have some really insightful comments.
Marie x
Thanks Marie! Some really good advice here, I have actually taken into account some of these factors in the past week and used them for conflicts that have arisen. With the help of some of your tips I have put together a set of tips on how to handle and resolve conflicts and arguements, take a look and let me know what you think :)
ReplyDeletex
I think conflict can be viewed as a monster when people approach it in the wrong way. By going in all guns blazing it is difficult to rationalise your thoughts and then i think you end up becoming the monster rather than the actual situation.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, also think that too many people shy away from conflict with the view of it resolving itself! And it doesn't!!!
Interesting post!
This is interesting, I personally shy away from conflict as I dont like arguing or someone being nasty to me. I have often have issues with co-workers where my point often doesnt get heard as they shout over the top of me and because i dont want to cause an arguement i just keep quiet.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting for me to hear your view as i see it from the other side of things, but i would agree that from both ends this can be a real issue. I hope you find a way to deal with these problems, i'll keep you posted if i have any more conflicts, maybe together we can help each other try and go about conflicts in the right way.
Great post Ellen, this was really thought provoking and made me think about conflict. Sometimes conflict can be good but if it's dealt in the right way. I can be like you when angry, you want it to go your way and you think that you are right. Very interesting :)
ReplyDeleteHiya Ellen!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good post! Personally, I don't love conflict, but I understand that it's esssenial in everyday lives.
I think in the workplace it is very beneficial and can be very constructive in order for the team to become successful.
I think conflict can be positive when handled correctly and not spiralled out of control.
Daisy xx