Shopping With The Devil On Your Back

Ok today I had the opportunity to put my tips into practice when going shopping, listen to this:

I went into a shop to return a top that I had not yet worn but realised when I got it home that it was dirty. I went to the till with my receipt and asked for a refund on the money I had spent. The sales assistant responded in a very uncooperative way. She appeared very grumpy and quite unwilling to help my situation. She then told me (in a rude tone) that she was unable to refund my money as it had been worn. This took me by surprise as I hadn’t already worn it and it still had the tag on it, I tried to explain this to her but she wasn’t having any of it.

So…you can understand my annoyance when being faced with a sales assistant who had made an unjustifiable assumption and who had outright refused the request I had made. So, this would have been a brilliant time to put my top 5 conflict containment tips to the test, I could have taken my own advice and calmly and rationally spoken to the lady so that we could have negotiated and come to some sort of agreement that benefited me as the customer and also her as a member of staff. What a brilliant opportunity.

BUT this wasn’t what happened! Instead I resorted back to my old ways. I became irritated, defensive and stubborn. I demanded to speak to her manager and took great pleasure in telling the sales assistant that she needed to work on her customer service skills and reminded her of my consumer rights (using my most patronising tone). It was almost like I had a devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear egging me on in a mischievous manner.

If only we could all have a conscience like Jiminy

Once having left the shop I thought to myself…. ‘WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU’? How did I manage to go so backwards in my journey of becoming a communicating genius? Who else knows how this feels? It is so much more difficult than just following a simple set of rules when trying to deal with a conflict, when your faced with a situation your initial reaction isn’t to get your little note book out and refer to your top confrontation tips. So what other ways can we go about handling conflict so not to become a metaphorical monster?

The Tasmanian Devil’s guide to conflict resolution

After having considered the problems I have with how I approach a conflict, I have come up with a set of conflict resolution tips for all those people who turn into ­­­­Tasmanian Devil when faced with a high stakes situation who want to learn how to deal with these situations in a rational way. They aren’t difficult but have proven for me to actively help in my own personal conflicts.



Do you really want to be like this little fella?




So when a conflict arises, consider:

1.       Taking a step back. Before jumping straight into an argument consider your response. Does the outcome call for you to become angry in order to be able to resolve it? Don’t be too hasty to blurt out your initial responses to what you don’t like the sound of; the reaction you are likely to get will be non-responsive.

2.       Staying calm. There is no need to raise your voice. By staying calm you are preventing the situation from becoming more tense and therefore are more likely to come out with a positive response and it will be easier to resolve.

3.       Listening to the other person before interrupting them. It is important in a conflict that everyone has their say, otherwise this is where you will begin to clash. If you let them have their say then chances are they will let you have yours.

4.       Not seeing them as the opposition. Whether it is a colleague, peer or friend, if a conflict arises then chances are it’s with someone you already know, don’t make them an enemy. Remember, you’re on the same team.

5.       Being open to suggestions. Negotiations and compromise are important factors in being able to resolve a conflict. Don’t be judgemental and consider that you may actually be able to come to a better solution when compromising on each other’s opinions.

I know you’re probably thinking ‘what does she know?’ after I previously posted on how bad I am with dealing with conflict rationally. But I have tried and tested these tips and have found them to really work for me. Try them out and let me know how they work for you.

Also feel free to comment on what you think about these tips, do you have any of your own that you think are important in being able to rationally deal with conflicts?

Happy blogging x

Does conflict unleash the monster in you?

Consider this: can people be taught to handle conflict in a positive way? In my opinion conflict is an important element in everyday life and as individuals I don’t think we can express ourselves and be true to our beliefs if we shy away from difficult situations. How do we find that healthy balance between yelling so your point gets heard louder than everyone else’s, or becoming an introverted wimp?

When facing these conflicts head on I usually take the ‘my way or the highway’ approach. I end up becoming a person that people are scared of rather than someone they want to compromise with. Because surely that’s the inevitable outcome of conflict isn’t it? Compromise? Instead, in the heat of the moment, I always picture conflicts as something that is there to be won; personally my approach to conflicting situations is generally very negative. I often find it difficult to turn what I see as a negative into a positive and be able to compromise on a situation. How would you deal with a conflict? Do you become a monster like me, or do you go silent in the hope that it’ll all go away? Or, are you someone who can think rationally in a heated situation?

I am often told in situations that instead of thinking about facts, I make up my own stories- “they’re thinking this” or “they’re doing that because they want to annoy me”. Chances are I’m not as wise as I consider myself to be and actually I escalate a conflict to make it into something it actually isn’t, which then makes it even worse than it started out as. I always start conflict thinking, ‘be calm, and be rational’; I don’t even know myself how it can go so wrong in a matter of minutes. How can something that often starts out so petty or insignificant escalate into something so big that you don’t even know what it is that started it?

So, how can my attitude towards conflict be changed so I don’t become a person that my friends and peers don’t want to be around? How do I carry through my initial positive mental attitude that I start out with so I don’t offend, upset or intimidate others? How can I stop my inner-monster from showing its face?